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Neander Thal

  • 123 Rock Road
  • Cave #3
  • La Brea Tar Pits
  • California
  • 92822
  • 555-555-1111

Summary of Qualifications

A highly skilled, award winning, prehistoric Executive Chef with over 6 million years of experience with a successful track record of leading kitchen staff both to award winning performance and up the evolutionary chain. Recognized by my peers as being an outstanding motivator and team builder. Able to effectively communicate to all levels of the evolutionary ladder from australopthecine’s to homo-erectus. Able to manage high-volume kitchens while under the pressure of both food source and customer extinction. Fluent in Troglodyte, Hominid, and French.

Areas of Expertise

Extinction Management
Customer Service
Vegan & Nutritional Cooking
Wine and Spirits Management
Menu Design

Employment History

Flickering Light Co.

San BURNadino, CA
  • Founding member of fire harnessing team
  • Led team of 6 cave-dwellers in wood gathering for fire development
  • Created first “stop, drop, and roll” procedure for singed hair
  • Introduced fireside chat to knuckle-walker “club” members
CFO - Chief Fire Officer

May 2mBC - Jan 1mBC

Erectus Designs Inc.

Akrun, O-hi-O
  • Apprentice I with square design team on wheel prototypes
  • Apprentice II responsible for improving design functionality on hexagon team
  • Chisel supervisor oval design team
  • Project lead and concept architect on circle design team (pat. pend)
Club and Chisel Operator

Jan 2mBC - Jan 1mBC

Grotto Hollows Inn

Jackson Hole, WY
  • Manage all operations of enterprise including hotel, restaurant, and recreational facilities
  • Grew revenues by 300% from 2 to 6 rocks in 2k years
  • Increased staff morale by adding a second predator watch shift
  • Optimized profits and repeat customers by reducing Sabre-toothed tiger attacks by 30%.
General Manager

Jan 2mBC - Jun 1mBC


New York, NY
  • Created award winning recipe’s braised brontosaurus, sabretooth sauté, primordial soup, and pterodactyl tossed salad
  • Ordered food from local cave dwellers specializing in farm to table
  • Managed food and labor costs
  • Successfully hired, trained, and managed kitchen staff of 18
  • Recognized the dates are off but had fun writing before species died off
Executive Chef

Jul 2mBC - Nov 1mBC

Skills and Competencies




Ugh, Ugh Society

Spottstail, AZ Caveman of the Year


Acavemy of Arts

Missing Linkin, NE Mammoth Mural Master

Professional Affiliations

National Society of Cave Artists

Chauvet, France

Member Since


Missing Link Association

Olduvai Gorge

Member Since


Hobbies and Interests

Dancing, Storytelling, Learning to write, eating daily, and movies. Two of my favorite movies are Quest For Fire and The Croods.


ErrHizOwna State University

Feenix, AZ B.S. Geology