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Neander Thal

  • 123 Rock Road
  • Cave #3
  • La Brea Tar Pits
  • California
  • 92822
  • sample@ummercial.com

Summary of Qualifications

 

A results oriented, problem-solving cave-dweller. Recognized by my peers as a inspiring leader able to build and lead teams to outstanding performance in the fields of heat distribution, hospitality and restaurant management, and transportation. Able to effectively communicate up and down the evolutionary ladder from Australopithecine’s to Homo-Sapiens. A hands-on professional with an ability to work under pressure with limit resources. Fluent in Troglodyte, Hominid, and French.

Areas of Expertise

 
  • Spear Making
  • Knuckle Dragging
  • Extinction Management
  • Customer Service
  • Dinosaur Marketing
  • Gastronomy

Employment History

 
CFO - Chief Fire Officer Flickering Light Co. San BURNadino, CA May 2mBC - Jan 1mBC
  • Founding member of fire harnessing team
  • Led team of 6 cave-dwellers in wood gathering for fire development
  • Created first “stop, drop, and roll” procedure for singed hair
  • Introduced fireside chat to knuckle-walker “club” members
Club and Chisel Operator Erectus Designs Inc. Akrun, O-hi-O Jan 2mBC - Jan 1mBC
  • Apprentice I with square design team on wheel prototypes
  • Apprentice II responsible for improving design functionality on hexagon team
  • Chisel supervisor oval design team
  • Project lead and concept architect on circle design team (pat. pend)
General Manager Grotto Hollows Inn Jackson Hole, WY Jan 2mBC - Jun 1mBC
  • Manage all operations of enterprise including hotel, restaurant, and recreational facilities
  • Grew revenues by 300% from 2 to 6 rocks in 2k years
  • Increased staff morale by adding a second predator watch shift
  • Optimized profits and repeat customers by reducing Sabre-toothed tiger attacks by 30%.
Executive Chef Australopithcuisine New York, NY Jul 2mBC - Nov 1mBC
  • Created award winning recipe’s braised brontosaurus, sabretooth sauté, primordial soup, and pterodactyl tossed salad
  • Ordered food from local cave dwellers specializing in farm to table
  • Managed food and labor costs
  • Successfully hired, trained, and managed kitchen staff of 18
  • Recognized the dates are off but had fun writing before species died off

Skills and Competencies

 
Rock Polishing
Expert
Mammoth Carving
Advanced
Cave Design
Expert
Hunting
Expert
Gathering
Advanced
Grunting
Expert

Achievements

 
Caveman of the Year Ugh, Ugh Society Spottstail, AZ 1mBC
Mammoth Mural Master Acavemy of Arts Missing Linkin, NE 1mBC

Professional Affiliations

 
National Society of Cave Artists Chauvet, France Member Since 2mBC
Missing Link Association Olduvai Gorge Member Since 1mBC

Hobbies and Interests

 

Dancing, Storytelling, Learning to write, eating daily, and movies. Two of my favorite movies are Quest For Fire and The Croods.

Education

 
Bedrock College Little Rock, AR June 3mBC

M.S. Paleontology

ErrHizOwna State University Feenix, AZ June 3mBC

B.S. Geology